What is that promise? “…that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (verse 3)

Aside from when we are still in our parents’ house as children, I can think of no more important time to honor our parents than when they begin to lose their independence because of declining mental or physical health. When a person loses their abilities is when they feel least worthy of honor. It can be embarrassing for them to be in a position of need.

My generation is the first to have been raised in day care. Between the increase in single parent families, and the perceived need of “whole” families to have two incomes, kids ended up in day care. I can only hope that my generation won’t return the favor by ignoring their parents and sticking them in “senior day care,” where they will be out of sight and out of mind. This is not honoring to them.

Granted, not everyone, especially those on the mission field, can take an aging parent into the household. But consider God’s promise to add years to your life if you honor our parents. We tend to think of the command to honor our parents in the context of obedience in the childhood years. However, could it be that God wants to add to your life the number of years you spent honoring and serving your parents in their old age, perhaps when your lifestyle was “cramped”?

Kicking off “Sandwich Generation Month,” the results of a new Harris Poll commissioned by Presto Services Inc. and Christian Companion Senior Care show that of the 20 million U.S. “Sandwichers”—those struggling with the responsibilities of caring for their children and their aging parents:

• 53% feel forced to choose between neglecting either their parents’ needs or their kids’ needs at least once each week
• 20% of Sandwichers make this stressful decision every day
• 40% believe their parents did a better job of balancing multi-generational caregiving than they do.

With a Scriptural mandate to honor their parents, Christian Sandwichers are searching for faith-friendly solutions that allow them to meet their responsibilities—while still living in peace! They are turning to solutions like these:

• Presto couples an HP Printing Mailbox and Presto Mail service to allow family members to send email messages, encouraging Scripture, family photos, prayer requests and notes of encouragement as well as daily reminders, medical instructions and more to seniors who aren’t online.
• Christian Companion Senior Care is the first organization to offer practical in-home assistance and spiritual encouragement, making it possible for seniors to remain in their own homes and live independently.

Consider asking your blog readers what their churches are doing to help Sandwichers cope. Also, consider asking what else would help them manage multi-generational caregiving responsibilities – a) flex hours at work, b) an understanding spouse, c) help from an outside source, d) technology advances.

You can NEVER ask too many questions.

Seriously. I am a nurse and I still forget to ask the right or enough questions at times. Often times people do not ask health care providers, Assisted Living directors, social workers etc. enough questions. There may be 100 reasons for this, being intimidated by doctors, not wanting to bother people, not knowing what to ask or sound dumb….but just like making any decision or managing a situation…you must have the facts…as well as bathing the situation in prayer.

Well, that is it.

Henry, those were some great insights in learning to relate differently with our aging parents. If you have more counsel, please post it in the Let’s Talk discussion string. I’m sure we’d all love to learn from you.

Boy, if you could have brought up any topic at all in the world that I am in the middle of, this one is it. I am definitely at #5 becoming dependent with my 86 year old mom. The article is excellent, TJ, and I want to read the entire thing. I deal with the guilt mentioned every day, no kidding, every day. I know that God has placed us here and I am very content and even excited to be involved in my life here in Helene. I absolutely love teaching here in the English School. But my heart is torn so much of the time to help my sister with our mother who has Alzheimer’s. It was only diagnosed about 1 year before we left the states and she is under an excellent gerontologist. She has been in assisted living for two years and that is my greatest relief. It is an issue that I constantly stay in prayer about, not just for my mother’s condition, but for how to cope and deal with my only sibling. I bring myself back to the fact that God is in control and then I try to do damage control myself when I get an opportunity to go to where they are. There is lots more I want to say and read about this topic. When I first saw the topic introduced in my email, I couldn’t even go right to it because of the emotions that swelled up. Thank you, TJ, for your insight. More later, as Larry has already reminded me that we have devos in three minutes.

This is a great topic of conversation! Thanks for bringing it up, TJ! My whole family has been in this process for the past four years with my grandmother. She was living with my parents for a couple of years and then moved to Minnesota to live with my aunt. She is much happier there, and I believe it’s because my aunt goes out of her way to make sure that my grandma still feels like she’s alive, that she still can have a life despite her mobility problems or special needs, etc. It really does make a difference! Not that my parents didn’t want her to have a life, but they simply weren’t able to give her the attention and flexibility that she needed. I love the point that Henry made about how we are all designed with this inner desire to fee productive and needed. It’s so true, and I truly believe that’s made the difference for my grandmother. I passed this article on to my parents and my aunt in hopes that it will encourage them and help them help her to have an even more meaningful life as much as it is in their power to! Thanks, TJ!!

Serving and ministering to Senior Adults is an issue close to my heart - whether they are your parents, or other Seniors who God has chosen to place in your journey with Him.

I have been working professionally within the Senior Adult Housing Industry for the past ten years or so - - - with major responsibilities in providing support and counseling with the adult children of our residents.

Even though this is a very emotional and difficult time (that of reversing roles), it can also be a very rich and rewarding time in developing a deeper and more intimate relationship with your aging parent/s.

I have found two keys that need to be re-focused again & again -
1> Slow down your pace to match theirs - in doing so you will begin to discover new and deeper elements to who your parents are than you have ever noticed before. In this new time of “dependence” on you as a provider for them - they will open wide the shades on the windows of their souls that they have “protected” you from all of your life. Dare to ask the tough questions; and dare to respond in all honesty and transparency when they ask you the tough questions.

2> Encourage your parent/s to find some cause or person to commit scheduled quality time in their life to. This needs to be more than just a hobby (such as the quilters circle or woodworking) this needs to be something that will produce a sense of worth and fulfillment as a result. God has wired us all with a need to feel needed and productive during our entire life time. The elderly who give up all hope and purpose become the ones who literally lay down in solitude and die.

Well, as I said this is a close subject to my heart - - - and I could go on and on. My Father is no longer living - but my mother is, and at age 75 is pastoring a small church in a rural community.
She has really illustrated key #2 above . . . as she pretty much shut down after Dad’s passing, stayed home alone with her dogs and read or watched TV all day. Her mind and reasoning skills quickly deteriorated and she withdrew into herself a little more each week. (Living in the past) However, it only took a couple of weeks of serving with a purpose for her previous zest for life and love of socializing with others to return. (Living in the present)

Help and encourage your parents to find, develop and maintain a passion for life - - - maybe by serving with Alternative Missions - - - whatever and wherever - - - there is nothing that lengthens the joy of living more than serving Christ in a productive, fulfilling circumstance.

Somebody pass the offering plate and I will shut up!!!!

- Henry